Head or Tail?

Probably my most personal post till now. I talk about my life in this. Although I do not intend to go into specifics of names and events, I want to try and understand what I have learnt over the past one year. I have tried my best to analyse it and yet I just cannot make head or tail of the past one year.

It was a frigid day in January 2010 when I arrived at Boston Logan International Airport with the temperature being -13 C, to board my flight back home to India. I remember thinking that after I got back to India, at least I wouldn't have to deal with this weather. Little did I know, that the heat that I had missed in the four years prior to that would replace the cold as the one thing that I would really hate.

I hate the heat but that has been the most mundane of things that I have experienced in the past one year. It has been an extraordinarily weird year and I have done and experienced things that I would have never thought I would do or experience. And, it was not just in one or two aspects of my life but in all spheres; be it friendship, family or even professionally.

The variegated events have made me depressed, they have shocked me, surprised me, excited me and have made me rethink my life. They have forced me do a complete turn-about on decisions that I had, at a time, believed to be the best. I don't expect my decisions to be always work out the way I think they should but it is extremely unnerving to find that nothing that I had planned was working out.

When I think about the positives in the last one year, I can think of the wonderful new people I met, I made many new friends, I reconnected with my old friends and I embarked upon new journeys. I am not sure whether these new journeys will lead me anywhere worthwhile but I know that I will never know if I just sit idle.

But overall, it has been a challenging year for me. It has defined and redefined several things. It redefined my character. It has redefined my friendships with some. It has redefined the way I think about life and myself. Most importantly, it has defined that no matter what you have done it finally comes down to luck. I am certain many will disagree with this, but I have the experiences of not just me but my friends also backing me. I do not blame you if you believe that hard work and perseverance will always be the formula for success. I used to believe that completely. I do not disregard the value of these, but I also strongly believe now, that most of the time it is also the matter of 'being in the right place at the right time'.

I have had conversations with my friends and we have tried to make sense of life, in terms of where we are and where we are going. Invariably, we have always come to the conclusion that we will get our lives sorted out soon.

The phoenix rises from its ashes. I believe the last year was where my plumage was most beautiful, now reduced to ashes. But now I rise from it, an ugly bird biding my time until I attain my full glory. This is a metaphor that also implies that I will burn again, but I am ready for it.  

What you say...

Political correctness, diplomatic answers, witty one-liners, casual conversations, intellectual discussions, serious debates, silly banter and whispers.........various ways one can describe the verbal exchange of thoughts.

I have just returned home after meeting Aamir. A person who I can talk to for hours. I have already dedicated a post to him so I won't go into details of why I connect with him. But still, I do want to make a note on thing - I can be honest with him. I do not need to constantly explain myself or apologize if I inadvertently make a mistake. There are other friends I don't need to apologize as well and I am glad I have them.

Do you ever wonder why it is difficult to be honest with someone? Even if you haven't thought about it, the answer is pretty easy - you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. However hard we might try though, we always end up hurting someone at some time and we don't even find that out until much later. There are times when you get offended by somebody's actions and you speak out. Funnily enough, that same person who has offended you gets hurt by what you say and there is a fight. It is weird how some things turn out.

I am an easy-going person by nature, especially with friends. I joke, I pull their leg and give them a hard time and I expect that I will be at the receiving end of it at some point. I take this as a part of life and a part of friendship. These things are fun and anyone who has a friend will agree with me. There are a few, who can only dish out and get terribly upset when they are the target but that's how people are.

My problem is, it is very difficult for me to let go of an opportunity to pull somebody's leg when they themselves give it to you. Of course, I know my limits, based on the situation and the person involved. However, it is not easy to know when someone might take offense when you meant it to be nothing more than just a funny comment. Sarcasm is probably the worst thing one can choose for jokes. If the person understands it, excellent! Otherwise, it can cause a lot of issues.

Now, even in casual conversations, I have come across situations where suddenly, the conversation flares up for no reason that is immediately apparent to you. The person in front of you probably has a reason and you have no idea what it is. How does one gauge what to say and what not to say? I guess it is best to just always be politically and socially correct.

For me, I rarely take offense to what someone has said. I used to get terribly upset earlier but later on, I realized that, to use a cliche, 'every coin has two sides'. If I find something objectionable, I think about it before forming a conclusion.

There is a line by Mahatma Gandhi - One must be slow to form convictions, but once formed, they must be defended against all odds'. I really believe in this. Hasty decisions are rarely ever the best decisions.

I don't think I will ever understand how to be correct all the time while speaking but I can try my best. Like I said above, it is best to be politically and socially correct and you are safe from offending anybody. But that does restrict my right to freedom of speech. Although I say this, I also believe that if you know that something that you are going to say is obviously offending then it is best left unsaid. There is already too much bitterness in the world without one adding to it.