Humility

Life takes no respite from ensuring that you stay humble. Whatever your ego or self-esteem might be, it is crushed out of you to make you realize that you are nothing in this world. 

One might argue that self-esteem is good and I shouldn't talk about it along side ego. Now, it is good, but there are times when even that does not remain with you. It's not that you consider yourself worthless, it's not even about confidence. You become self-aware and extremely conscious of the circumstances.

There are times when you need to give a boost to your own self and dream and motivate yourself. But, unfortunately, even that is not possible some times. You have to be humble even in that. Even a morale-booster can become too much and then life turns around and says, 'No, you are not humble enough!'

The way you have lived your whole life is no longer acceptable and humble enough, even though you have lived within your means and have not boasted about it or abused it. Life tells you, 'No, you need to be humble. Change your life!'

Your casual, everyday expectations, are no longer humble. And, you might as well forget about some extra-ordinary or out-of-the-ordinary things happening in your life. If they do, it's a miracle. But, you can't even enjoy them properly because by that time, you have been so used to being humble that you even fear showing happiness lest it be taken away from you for not being humble enough in expressing it. 

Humility - never forget about it!

Jaane Kahaan Gaye Woh Din.......

This is not a 'sometimes I think about...' thing...but I think a lot about the days that have gone by. Especially, the years from 2002-2005. I think they were the best in my life so far. I don't think I have ever had fewer problems later, than I had during those years. But, that's not the only reason they were great. 

The people I was with during those times made them great. But now, as time goes by, the people are not close by anymore most of them, fortunately, just due to the physical distance. Some, I am still best friends with, and some have drifted away and I have drifted away from some. I can, though, say with a clear conscience that I have drifted away from hardly anyone. I walk away when I sense that my part in that person's life-story is over. 

I think back to those days, when I was full of hope and ambitions and dreams. It was a wonderful time. Now, I feel I don't even have the freedom to dream. All I have left with myself are the goals that I need to achieve to move on to the next step, whatever that might be. It's not that I don't dream anymore, but the dreams have changed a lot. My dreams are now, unfortunately, quite 'realistic'. And, that effectively defeats the whole purpose of a dream. Is it good or is it bad? Is it a sign that I have grown-up or is it a sign that I have succumbed to the pressure of life? I don't know. I would hope that this is just a passing phase. But what if it is not? Do I then surrender to the fact that my life does not have the charm for me as it used to? Yes, there is a different charm to it now, but I do also long for that innocent charm that I used to enjoy. 

Gone are the days, when having drinks with friends meant having two shots at the most of whatever we were drinking and that was an achievement. Gone is the time when I had my first puff of a cigarette and was scared that I had actually smoked a cigarette (even though it was just one puff). Gone is the time when hanging out late with friends was once in a while thing and it used to be very exciting. Gone is the time, when marriage was a thought of something that was far into the future. Now, in fact, a few of my friends/acquaintances are already married - people my age! 

I think back to the time when I participated in a play with my friends in Khalsa Junior College - 'Kabhi Bhada, Kabhi Raada'. I can never forget the great times I had rehearsing for that. I can't forget the time when we went to my farmhouse and my friend, who was in an extreme hurry to get back home forgot his wallet and we had to go back to get it. Of course, the caretaker had left by that time and we had to jump over the barbed-wired fence. I can not as well forget the New Year's Eve celebrated in my flat in Borivali, which was probably one of the best New Year's Eves I have had so far.  

Of course I can never forget my first year of BMS where I met some of the best people I will ever meet. The projects and the lectures, all very new and exciting. Very different people and the challenges of getting used to them and them getting used to me, which is not very easy at all. The trip that year to my farmhouse with almost 40 of my BMS classmates was again an unforgettable experience. The year also held for me the joy of being in my first ever relationship with a wonderful girl and then also, the pain of it ending. A Goa trip that I made with just another friend during BMS, because two others dropped out, was again very memorable. 

This all seems so much into the distant past now, that it feels like it never happened. But, I do long for those days again. If I could ever relive some part of my life, it would be those 2-3 years. They were the start of my life as it is today. I would also want to have the memory of the last time I had lived through those years and try to enjoy even more the happy times and rectify some mistakes, which I am glad were not too many. 

But, I do wonder how time passes by so quickly. Soon, it will be a few years that I have written this post and I will probably think about the happy times I am going through now. Would it be too arrogant to change a cliched saying? I don't know, but perhaps 'The grass is always greener during a time in our life that has passed by'.